Another day goes by where Dr. Bonnie Henry thanks Christ that BC’s most populous city is basically deserted - allowing her to continue announcing sensationally low Covid numbers every day. It has long been speculated that Vancouver’s housing crisis is as a result of the number of empty, foreign-owned apartments investors have accumulated in the city at the detriment of those who seek to call Vancouver home. Even though some critics dismiss the idea as cum hoc ergo propter hoc it seems clear that a city made up of the rich, outdoorists, and fitness-enthusiasts should have a much higher rate of infection.

While Dr. Henry continues to provide critical expertise about the threats and opportunities of reopening the province, insiders say that she is laughing about how easy it has been to become a beloved public icon in BC. “You just stand in front of a camera every day, announce a few small numbers and then talk common sense for a few minutes. It’s like taking 5th grade as a 7th grader.” In an off camera recording, Dr. Henry can be further heard discussing her good fortune: “Think about how fitness-obsessed wackos are in Vancouver. If anyone actually lived in the city we would look like Sierra Leone in Ebola season.”

While Vancouverites have many reasons to gripe about the affordability and availability crisis they may be counting themselves lucky at this moment in time since their chance of Covid-infection is uncharacteristically low when compared to other provinces in Canada and countries around the world. Once Covid is behind us, however, it remains to be seen how this province of mountain-climbers, online shoppers, and impoverished students will react to the continuing housing crisis.